all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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