I CAN MOONWALK!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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