allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Nicole vs. Life
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
