Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
