I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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