either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
