how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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