I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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