There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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