whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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