The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
