I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
