i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
