somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
