when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You can't motorboat a personality
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize