I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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