There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
