you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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