WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
