the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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