So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
