let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
