I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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