What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
