another moral hangover. fuck.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
