90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
