I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
