Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
