singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
