He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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