I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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