So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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