shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize