if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
