you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
