apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
