The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
