Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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