Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
