i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
