So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
