Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
