I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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