I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So squirting runs in the family.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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