everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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