I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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