I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
