Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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