I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
