this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize