I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize