We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
