When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
