just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
