"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
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