HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
