Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
