umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
