I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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