one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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