Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
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