I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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