u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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