somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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