i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
