Can i not drive my cunt home
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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