We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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