she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
