I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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