Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize