Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Randomize
