I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
