Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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