i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize