He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
