yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
